rebirth

wow. what a day. a weird day...a day of enlightenment and realization. Im glad that i had brittany to help me because i feel today would of just been another one of my straigtening up days for my room where i basically just reorganize the same shit ive been holding on to for years and for what exactly? I hauled about 9 trash bags of things out of my room. Total crap. Things from my previous years that have no meaning to keep really...things that were nice at the moment but need to just not exist in my presence. And we talked about alot of things. Things that i dont feel i can talk about with much others...probably no one at all. I feel accomplished in so many ways...ways people know and ways i refuse to tell. But things are changing. And i like it i think.

I even got rid of "the notes" These notes were a really mean joke that got played on me in 7th grade. One day a crush i had wrote how he was asking me out and sorry he was so mean to me and that he kept it a secret that he liked me so long. When you are young like that a have a crush...yeah its real. I freaked. I didnt know what to do...but you now what? I was excited...and i was happy. It was a fairytale ok? MY fucking fairytale...
The next day on the bus i got another note...it said he had a girlfriend and laughed at me in the note. Told me how annoying i was. Told me how i couldnt get it through my head that he didnt like me. He told me he would never ever go out with me ever...

I kept these notes. They were hardly paper...they were soft from being everywhere with me. Why did i keep these two pieces of paper? For so many years? I even told Brittany how this was probably the first time i had been so embarrassed i wanted to die. I honestly did not care at that moment that i lived another day. I had felt utter true humiliation. But yet these pieces of paper still existed...why?

I have no clue.


I even debated on pitching them. Brittany did not stutter when she said throw them away.

I did it.