How much will i try to erase today?

I was supposed to start decluttering my room about 10:00 am. Typical ashley slept through my alarm then tried to put it off and then ended up telling brittany i dont think i could get out of bed. I seriously couldnt. I was so exhausted from god knows what that i didnt even hang up the phone call and already was asleep again. This is the stuff i have to overcome. Eventually i woke up, brushed my hair, ate something, and called her back because i cant do this anymore...yesterday i was so sick i couldnt stand upright and furthermore couldnt go to work. Couldnt drive there, couldnt even put an outfit togther and couldnt even see straight. I slept the whole day. WHOLE DAY. I just lacked any type of energy. I couldnt even make something to eat for myself.

Well...im up now. Its almost three in the afternoon but im up and ready to start on my room. Going to pick up Brittany momemtarily. I wanted to go out tonight with someone but im too late... hes busy already. Ugh, Ouch.

this was sophmore or junior year of highschool...cant really remember...all i do remember is thats a real smile

portfolio: the project

I need to put together a portfolio. I am the next big thing in flowers! Hah...not really... but i know im damn good at what i do and its getting to the point where i need to move on if i want to continue being serious about staying with this profession. Im glad that i didnt turn back around though...i say that meaning when i was getting started in all of this flower biz i felt like i just wasnt getting the knack of being a floral designer. Theres ALOT that comes with this title...i truly feel you cannot have this title if you cant live up to it! One of the first people i dealt with in the floral industry was Elaine Mueller of Delaines minooka florist and she CONSTANTLY said "You either have it....or you dont!" She was so right. Furthermore she always said she knew i had it. I wanted to just forget it many times. I couldnt make a bow right or green right or get placements right for anything. I know im artsy what the hell is wrong im thinking...

i guess i just kept ignoring it and working hard to get to the next level. I followed the same oath many of the most excellent designers had to follow though.

Im obsessed with anything flowers though. And i feel my thought process about floral design makes me the designer i am. I am NOT perfect...but ANY means...nor exact. And it just so happens flowers and plants are NOT perfect. I love it! I feel little quirks make the design that much better! I love botanical. I love earthy. I LOVE contrast...lights against darks...tucking in darks way in to make your lights POP. I love line...the way things curve naturally or the way you can manipulate your lines and make your eyes glide throughtout your piece. I love repetition where i can repeat elements in different ways and forms throughout my piece tying the whole thing togther. I love color...my god do i love color. I have to be my own fan when i say i can put togther colors like no other. I feel placing unexpected colors together is key to interest. Using color schemes...monobotanical arrangements, monochromatics. Opposites...ajacents...neuutrals... I believe black and white is just as interesting as anyhting else i can put together. Shock and drama...so opposite on the color scale but so well together. I love anything earth elements like twigs and leaves...pods...vines...roots...moss. I love shapes...curving the materials to make the piece flow all one way! Texture is big...fine textures against thick ones...softs and hards..shapely patterns and clean lines...dramatic outlines and forms. I feel like you cant plan design....you need to assess your situation and evaluate your materials at hand. I have to look around and see what i have to work weith and thats when i get my ideas. I cant plan them no way! Once i can catalog whats in the shop for the day i know what ive seen and can then piece togther what works togther. I put things together as naturally as my situation allows...if its imperfect its perfect to me!

This past year at my job now has really allowed me to mature my design. Letting me get my hands on pretty much anything this company makes available to me has allowed me to express all the things that dazzle me. I just love the feeling when someone stops and takes the time to study what ive made...when they actually let there eyes wander through a piece i make or simply just fall in love with the look. I love emotion. I am an emotional person. I just simply love happiness and love to make people happy with things i make. I feel my job is done when i bride can cry over her wedding flowers.

I need to capture what ive created...all together. It needs to be compiled! I have so many pictures on the laptop i need to get them all in one place and get them in print!


i love to just go nuts.





I am in love with bold and deep colors. Natural elements are my best friends


Shapes and textures!


This one takes your eyes for a ride. And a lot of elements and ideas are repeated. I love it...curvacious <3


completely crazy!

well...im tired and in need of a snack. My eating seems to be doing alright lately...but im pushing into the danger zone here of getting little to know sleep. Im not a hundred percent yet...and like brittany said no one is! But i see the results starting within me and that just transforms into motivation once i see progress.

I talked to nick tonight. I probably overwhlemed the converstation a little..i was just gabbing away. BUt the extremely excellent thing about him is he doesnt mind and lets me be me....

The epiphany

Brittany got online a little bit ago. A little bit before that my very good friend Jason stopped by. Jason and I only talked for about a half hour but something spectacular happened and i just cant believe the epiphany that arised from only a short period of talking about things we have been learning seperately on our own over a period of about 8 years.

Here is the conversation that took place on Facebook between Brittany and I. I had to copy and paste my online epiphany because i believe im finally breaking through:

Me
im finally ready to start being me again
like its an event or something
because for the first time in a while i feel like i can do this

8:54pmBrittany
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE YOU!
I'm so glad girl
That seriously makes me smile ear to ear.
I'm happy for you

8:55pmMe
my mom told me she thinks i look so much better

8:55pmBrittany
so damn happy im sheading a tear

8:55pmMe
for her to just say that tio me without me asking her is something
im crying too actually
i have a long time i have to be on earth
i cant drag myself around
thank you for still being here with me

8:56pmBrittany
i love you
of course im here

8:57pmMe
i know i dont have to explain to you how many peo0ple have just left me

8:57pmBrittany
i know
but honestly think of all the people youve met in the past few years or even months you know?

8:57pmMe
i know
me and jason were just talking about that
like we both sorta talked about just how people from high school dont really matter except a select few and he told me to not worry that hes always going to be there for me and we bntoh talked
about how weve progressesd since highschool
getting caught up in whetre life strings us along and the people weve been meeting and our jobs and just life
learning from the miostakes weve made and just trying to be ok
everybodays got shit
its all different

8:59pmBrittany
thats so true
thats why i try not to judge everyone at first ebcause everyone acts a certain way for a reason

9:00pmMe
like stopping with your life is the worst thing
and dwelling on things and how bad they are, like keeping moving and just trying to learn and dela and move on is what i have to do

9:01pmBrittany
we all do

9:01pmMe
i have been through some shitty shit. but finally i know for a fact i have to get somewhere ive been stuck on the down for too long

9:02pmBrittany
you're going great places ashley
i dont know how you dont see it everyday at work

9:02pmMe
my dad would honestly not want me to be in a hole forever
im embracing everyday i can wake up now and live because of how good it is to have my family i have even though its just us three
...and especially this week at work has made me realize plenty

9:03pmBrittany
i love you three. I'm JEALOUS of you three. like i've said i cant even tell you how much inspiring you girls are to me.

Me
how ivebeen ina generally positive mood the whole week despite how catty it was and busy and stressful

9:04pmBrittany
thats good!
so so oso so good

9:05pmMe
ive thought about how i always want to blame other people for how i cant stand
my job sometimes
because im LETIING them

9:05pmBrittany
true that!

9:06pmMe
everyday this week instead of rushing out of there in a pissy mood at someone ior something ive stayed and helped clean up and made sure everyone had their stuff done and made sure i did all i could before i went home because it made me feel good
even like i told you at the beginning of the week how i dropped everything to help tim even though the shit he has to do sucks and i dont like it but i did it anyways because i knew i was more than capable of handling it

and i felt awesome for it and i could see it made a difference

and it makes me feel good because i think about if this was a couple months ago how difficult i made it seem to do extra thingsin my life because i thought i was so beyond help



9:08pmBrittany
no one is ever beyond help
im so glad to see you doing good

9:09pmMe
its not 100 percent yet but it took a big step within the past week

9:09pmBrittany
i can tell

9:09pmMe
i stopped myself a couple times because
i have that bipolar factor still...like my mood quickly changed from one extreme to another
i just all of a sudden get so empty and lonely again like a drop on a rollercoaster
i physically can feel my mind plummet and its overwhelming

9:10pmBrittany
you should meditate
i think it would really help


9:10pmMe
thats when i pace and have racing thoughts but then like i feel the medicine like try to pace myself and asess whats really going on

talking aloud or writing have really helped

9:12pmBrittany
yes!

9:12pmMe
writing lets me organize whats racing
thorugh my head and puts it in front of me so i can see how i need to filter it

9:12pmBrittany
writing is amazing

9:12pmMe
it declutters my mind
makes me realize it isnt THAT bad
and actually glorifies what i do have
quickly brings me to the realizxation that I AM AWSEOME
IM STRONG

IM UNIQUE

and IM HAPPY

9:14pmBrittany
:D
i love you

9:15pmMe
it like...slows me down in a sense where im not immediately looking to feel better
in the terms of drugs or drinking or
erratic behavior like shopping

like it was always...i feel shitty i need to cover it up
and it would make me feel better so i thought

9:16pmBrittany
thats a lot of peoples biggest problem

9:16pmMe
yeah it makes me feel better but really its fucking shit up more
because the feelings return...its still
there

9:16pmBrittany
for sure

9:16pmMe
sleeping all the time just leaves me tired still
shopping and buying shit i dont need means i have the shit but i still feel shitty anyways

9:17pmBrittany
exactly


9:19pmMe
i cant even believe myself right now because im actually assessing myself and helping myself like i could have the power to help another before but NOT myself


9:22pmBrittany
im so proud and happy for you
youre practically fucking enlightened

9:22pmMe
i can truthfully say i feel that way right now
im not 100 percent like i said

9:23pmBrittany
no one ever really is


9:23pmMe
but the way ive been the past week is definitely a new feeling i havent felt in a long long time
im trying not to mope
im not going to sit around and whine for people to hang out or come over or do shit

yeah its nice to know you have friends who want to company you.
but when im staying up all night for nights in a row just fucking praying to god any fucking soul invites me out or does something with me and im following people like the sad puppy dog ive been its so stupid
i can spend that time in route to better people who reciprocate

9:27pmBrittany
for sure
i just sit at home most nights honestly
i rarely do anything anymore

9:28pmMe
like i pulled out this alkaline trio cd that i used tio listen to in high school

from the status i put up as you can [prob tell

and it took me back to times where things were ok
they werent AWESOME
but they were OK
i hung out with people without hassle
we did things that werent destrusting to ourselves
enjoyed things like walks and movies and outings

*NATURE

9:29pmBrittany
love it

9:29pmMe
silly things that were funny SOBER

yeah you got in fights and arguments
and disagreements but you didnt bitch for hours and then reasses your whole life each time and plkummet so low you could pass out
and you didnt search for the quickest way out back then little by little fucking yourself even further
you got up in the morning
and you went to bed at night
and had the energy to do it again
i mean you didnt even have to think about it or argue with yourself if you are
going to eat today or even get up today

9:32pmBrittany
true that
i miss being a kid

9:32pmMe
you had shit to do, your homework your chores...you did them

9:32pmBrittany
not if your name is stephanie

LOL
Me
lmao

but i guess i mean like me you werent SCARED to do them

9:33pmBrittany
sorry for calling you at like 5 am the other night. i saw you texted adil and when i woke up and saw i just felt panicked for some reason
i was like is she ok?
was there a tornado!?

Me
you didnt stop in the middle of doing laundry and dishes to take a 6 hour nap

its totally fine

im copying this converstaion and im putting it in my blog

9:34pmBrittany
please do!

9:34pmMe
because im proud of the words coming
out of nmy m9outh

9:34pmBrittany
i cant even express how proud I am!
i loooove whne the people i know and love start realizing their potential in life and all of its relations... especially happiness

9:37pmMe
like i changed my hair color...its not a big deal
but i can tell by the way people looked at me
like they were just happy for me
alot of the things people said had to do with words like brighter

lighter

beautiful

like a couple guys i know...like they didnt say "oh damn thats sexy"
like i didnt feel like an object when i walked away

i felt like a person

9:39pmBrittany
i do love the hair!

9:40pmMe
like when people said something about it, most of them said things like how it just matched with my complexion...before my dark hair "didnt go with me well"

i guess im using my hair as a metaphor

9:40pmBrittany
i love it

i HATE to do this
but my dad is kicking me out of his room so he can sleep
i cant wait o get my laptop charger
call me tmrw
i love you!

9:40pmMe
ITS OK...YES I WILL AFTER I LEAVE WORK

I LOVE YOU TOO
SORRY FOR THE CAPS

lol
thank you

9:41pmBrittany
lol its ok

later


9:41pmMe
thank you for just being here
bye

9:41pmBrittany
i love you you are so very utterly welcome


9:44pmBrittany is offline.

alright...where have i been

I knew at some point i would start slacking at this writing business...but on the other hand i dont want it to be scheduled either. But that just shows how much this IS my blog because of my half-assedness which i HATE about myself and my procrastinating problem. UGH. I dont remember always being on the middle or bottom of things...

I remember being younger and so damn ORGANIZED and NEAT....and SMART. I dont know what or who to blame for it all going wrong in 8th grade. Well we moved for one...and i remember that the planifield school system was one step behind where channahon schools were studying. It was hard to adjust. Its hard to adjust at that age when you are becoming a yound adult and EVERYTHING MATTERS.

I look back so often now and think of all the things ive been insecure about...some things which i still am. Im always nit-picking at myself...always wondering how i appear to others...what they are thinking. I know that if i ever have a chance to choose a secret power its definitely going to be the power to read minds.

I feel i might be obsessed with it. Always struggling to know if im 100 percent to that person. And i also feel this isnt my fault. People constantly tell me not to take things to seriously and to not care what this person thinks of me. But i do...

...and here i am thanking my dad again for that. He constantly told me the things i wasnt doing right. Always. I had to beg for his approval all the fucking time. I walked around him always thinking that im doing something wrong...actually i started to not even think it i just knew whatever i was doing was just the wrong thing in front of him. My feel hurt so bad from walking on eggshells. I had to constantly hide my true self and things other people were doing that were normal...things i couldnt do.

I remember always having to be shut in for the stupidest shit. I feel my head was so fucked growing up and other people started to say things to me...coulndt understand why i could do the simplest of things. My dad put his life on the line to keep blinders on me and keep things sugar-coated but as i got older it was always complaining i had to hear...negetive things about everything and everyone. I dreaded being alone with him because i hated how he used to talk about the world. He hated it. It was so bad that i made it the boldest point when things went well between me and him...effective conversations where he would actually explain things and explian them calmly...conversations that went somewhere and stuck with me. These times were so far and few between i dont even think both hands could be used on counting them.

All i wanted to do was love my dad. He was so interesting. I just wanted to be as close as i could to him. Little did i know he was so sick. God damn him for that. God damn him for hiding it. and the biggest god damn of all was him leaving me wiuthout the decency to tell me why.

I know he was a good person. I feel like him being an addict was not his fault. and that furters my thoughts into how much i fucking hate his whole fucking family. They fucked him up into always wanting to be fucked up which let to fucking up his life which led into fucking up my mothers AND mine and nikkis.

Fuck. Yeah im looking too into the past as always. Being too emotional as always. BEING TOO DRAMATIC AS ALWAYS. People shout this at me like im doing it on purpose. Like i want to be like this. And i am just thinking about how i really dont fucking care anymore. Dont listen to me? Dont read my business. If you have a problem with what you chose to read dont fucjking comment on it...disregard it and move on. I dont see myself inviting people to read this. Or any of my thoughts anywhere at anytime. I walk around confused because half the people are trying to tell me to shut up but the other half who know me know i keep so much inside and encourage me to let it out. This ratio always has me thinking though which brings me back to why i would love to read peoples minds. I know and have known too many deceitful people. A lot of the people ive know have disgusted me. They go through long periods of time being a false friend that i end up confiding in and trying to be able to trust and eventually they break and say what they really think or end up saying what the truely feel about me to someone else who passes this information along to me. How, i think, can someone just honestly disregard any of that? I seriously feel unsettled around alot of people because i feel i reall just dont know anyone. And it makes me sick. and sad. and upset. and i obsess over it. This is a big part of why its hard for me to sleep. I constantly analyze my interactions for the day with people and events and just notice how fake it was or how things werent exactly right. Im so overobservant and very detective about things that just arent right....i dont know where to begin to cure this because its not just something i can just stop being like. Ive been trained for too many years to be cautious...and part of me wants to just begin to not see it and the other part feels like i still should stand my ground.

More and more often i know that people are being shitty to me or things just arent what they seem and ive been hiding that i know. Im such a lonely person honestly. AND I HATE IT.

I wasnt lonely today though. It was a day off for me. And it was fantastic. Surpringsly when i worked yesterday it was busy as hell and many problems arose but my overall mood was swell. I had energy and an upbeat attitude the whole day. Amazing! i was proud of myself!

Today was so good. The sun was out...it was warm... i was relaxed! And happy! I got my first snocone of the year at the Tropical Sno by bill's house. Omg i could not have been more excited...especially being able to spend most of my day with Nick <3. This is someone in my life right now that i believe understands me. hes not selfish or a fucking moron or has a crazy addiction to anything. Hes real. He gets it. This point in my life i couldnt be more thankful for him. And i dont feel weird or uncomfortable around him...i can be myself...which alot lately has been slightly askew but he doesnt seem to mind. Today was just fabulous....and we are two for two now...lets make it seven for seven.

how do i turn off the repeat button?

Well...here i am...4:07 am... wired...not tired. Traffic is heavy in my head.

Didnt have such a productive day. The absense of sunshine and the rain made it difficult to stay awake. I wanted to get a bunch of stuff done in my room...but it never happened. Maybe sunday. Hopefully it sucks outside on sunday so i can accomplish what i want to.

Its also weighing on me that THREE YEARS AGO TODAY was the LAST day i would ever see Dad alive. Oh my god. I hate thinking about it. BUt its true. I am more than ever thankful the last words he heard from me were "I love you" and i hope he thought about that the next day. Im dying to think that. I am in so much pain. I am. I hurt. The strength to get through this is within me though,,,its like searching for the holy grail though. Ugh. And you know...i would love it if every once and a while ONE of the few friends i have would try to take me out and try to get me to lighten up a bit. God dammit. It didnt know it was that hard to cheer up a friend. I always seem to be there to make someone smile or listen when needed. Fucking sucks to realize i just dont have friends that are anything like me in that aspect. If i do...speak up you know?...

I think about that every day now too...where are some people that would bend over backwards for me every now and then? It upsets me. I would give so much for that. I know im a pretty good friend and person. Right? I KNOW i am. TOO good sometimes..

Well i guess this is me realizing to stop being the fucking doormat. Until someone out there starts metting me halfway i REALLY need to just keep to myself...be selfish...focus on ME! I need to be here for a while as far as i know so why not work on myself?

I left the other day from home and didnt put my seatbelt on until i was halfway to my destination. I wanted something to happen to me i think. Then i thought of my mom and nikki. I clicked the seatbelt in.

Wasting my days

Today i could of accomplished alot but...surprise surprise..i slept most of my day away. Probably making up for those three days in a row i stayed up? Sucks. I dont choose to do things like that. I just cant overcome the sleepyness yet. Had a dream regarding the shitty move my friend made the other day which is STILL eating at me...the dream was really humourous though. Yesterday was basically the same story...didnt accomplish much...got up at 1 in the afternoon and it was gorgeous out. But the power of how tired i was took over and ruined my day. I actually need to lay down now before i start this wrist corsage for a friend...should of did it yesterday. Ugh.

One friend owes me a sum of money that was supposed to be paid in March. Its seriously eating away at me. Im going to have to start going into bitch overload by next week and starting with text blackmail...he does not want me to do this. Just sayin'.

i knew it

I knew i would be back at least once before i attempt sleep. Here i am...5:03 am...on my day off mind you. Of course checking my facebook for god knows what i dont know. Ive gravitated up into my bedroom...
...and what a clusterfuck it is in here. Ugh. Hopefully im up around 10 without any lag because id like to get SOMETHING accomplished today. This is a real problem for me...to finish things. I am a die hard procrastinator at that too...and i really hate myself for it. I have jewelery that ive been untangling for months on my vanity and and closet that needs emptying of the unused. Drawers full of random clutter that are dying to be sifted through. Pieces of me everywhere. I am reflected through "things". Im surrounded by them in here...and this may be a lethal problem. Boy do i have a lot of "things". Things are items...stuff of physical substance that have weight and shape and texture. I just collect a lot? Maybe. Im not stupid with myself though. I believe a lot of these things have been pathetic attempts to make myself feel better...

...and theres a lot of things in here...


...so why am i STILL empty?

Ugh. I am so much like my dad. Sometimes just way too much. Tonight i was in the basement again...yet another clusterfuck in the house. Mounds of things are in the basement...my dads "things" ...HOARDS of things...NUMBERS of things...collections, multiples of things. Things that Dad bought to make HIM happy. He is all over tha basement reflected throughtout it. Oh my fucking god i miss him. As im down there i see his struggle. People on the outside go down there and see just a lot of stuff. I see my dads world. His sickness. His temporary happiness. He tried. He fucking tried i know he did. The value of having him be here with me again is absolutely fucking priceless.

This writing thing is working.

I can analyze shit. I see my tangled web of worries in straight, readable lines now. Im praying this works.

Well now ive really established i have to get this room in order.Ive been AWARE it needs to happen but im struggling with alot. I TRY to come up here and start to do something but my mind wanders too fucking quickly. I think well maybe a friend could help me?..... Yeah. Friend. What friends? This has been a touchy subject lately. Man. I would give anything to have that best friend thing again. Just one solid concrete rock of a person you know? I know that i do know a lot of good people...do not get me wrong. Lately i have just felt so god damn alone. SOOOOO god damn alone. And as much as i try not to appear desperate for someone...ANYONE to be around...its not fooling anyone. And i even come out and admit to it more and more frequently when i do have the chance to hang around another person for a short while lately. And i also think lately...the phone really does work two ways. If they really give a good fuck to call me they will. Needless to say my phone has been pretty quiet.

...and maybe i dont blame some people. I have had some negetive things to say lately. But can you honestly blame me? Especially for the date i never want to come. It haunts me. I see it everywhere...all year around everywhere...everywhere i look i swear April 26th is the day thats sticking its middle finger in my face. The date the ultimately shattered me. Thats the last game of ultimate-blows-to-the-face poker i wanna play jesus...ive lied my cards on the table. Fold.

I trailed off...oh yes...this room. Things need to go. I am truly a packrat. Thanks Dad. I cant throw anything away...I save so much. And its weighing me down. I need to subtract, not add as mom says...and ive been doing good. Not taking every piece of something savable home with me. Curbing my spending...and this is hard because of being bipolar. Shopping binges are vicious...and will be the death of me. Because looking as this room i should think im the happiest little woman in the universe...so why do i feel like collasping at my seams? Duh Ash...these methods are not the answer. Obviously. But i know that ive always been collecting things and aquiring neat objects. Its not a bad thing to a certain extent...it makes me the quirky and awesome person I KNOW i am. But i just look at some of the things i have and know why they are sitting in my room right now...and they have provided me with that desired emotion.

Oh what am i going to do? How am i going to do this? So much needs to be done. I need an answer...and i need to quit looking for it. Its been sitting in the same place the whole time...its inside me. Look at that. That was easy...

maybe because ive organized and actually read back to myself whats really going on?
:)

Finally i feel a little tired. Its early morning...my window is cracked and i hear birds. I love the birds. Just ate one of my "foods of the month"....wheat toast with butter and strawberry jam. The "foods of the month" change...just a term i use for one of my eating trends where ill eat a couple certain foods for about a month then phase them out until i find something else i wanna eat for days in a row. Hopefully ill get a little solid sleeping in...and my goal for today is to be up by about ten... i need to accomplish going to walmart to do a bit of grocery shopping and return a tank top while im there. I was going to just exchange for a larger size but im sitting here and thinking "i really dont need it" Good job Ash.

Clearing my head a little more...work was ok today. Kept to myself...one of those days i felt unconnected mentally with my body physically. It was a roll out of bed no makeup day. Also forgot to set my alarm an hour earlier because i offered to come in earlier to help today because of secretaries day. Yeah...i felt bad about that. Tardiness is something that also needs to be eliminated from my daily existance...and im trying. I try hard too and how fucking frustrated it is for me when i keep screwing up....

Started my day ok when i arrived...had to make multiple fruitbaskets which i dislike. They are just such a pain in the ass. Ended up locking the only key we have to all the gourmet cabinents in one of the cabinents but with a team effort of Laura at work holding one of the doors open i managed to stick my hand in there and retreive the key. I wish our problems as people were as easy to solve with one simple item like a key. In a few ways i guess they are. But fuck...they are sure hard fucking keys to find. Got to make what we call a standing order at work...my favorites...big beautiful arrangments that get sent to businesses to be viewed all week. This was an account Tessla Motors..





I love doing flowers. Ugh. Obsessed. The first photo is their 50 dollar piece and the lower two is their 25 dollar piece they get every week.

Went home in a frazzled mood and slept. It was pretty breezy today or i would of broken out the hammock. Nifty item that is.

Its almost six in the morning. I can get a solid 4 hours of sleep in...hopefully my body doesnt want to keep sleeping.

xxoxoxoxoxo ash